You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
