my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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