is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
