LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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