I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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