ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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