Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
