he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
