the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
