I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
