you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Congratulations! We have a period
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