remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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