We're like a lot better than the average bears
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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