its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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