Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize