I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
