All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i think my cat just said my name.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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