i just google imaged poop.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
