i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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