Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
