just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
