I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
