How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
