DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
