Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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