; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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