nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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