I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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