thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
