like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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