I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im part way to drunk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
