if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
