im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
