that's an acceptable place to lick
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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