im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
