The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
