I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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