K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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