I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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