Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
