That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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