pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
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Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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