you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
