EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
