Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
