Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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