and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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