Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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