trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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