I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
