i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
