I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
