So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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