you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
