Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
