you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
