I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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