just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
