ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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