I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize