tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
