I will die if light touches me.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
