I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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