yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
