I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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