Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
